🔗 Share this article

Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and writers stay alert of notable bog-related stories and milestones, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to discover that an online journalist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who understood the bathroom a little too literally, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the controversial forward entered a community college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered through the school acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager following a short conversation within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback versus Germany during 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We were the continent's finest referees, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|